Tribute to Cecil

Home is where the heart is.

When you leave home, you must follow the proper procedures in order to maintain physical integrity. Remember to have a loved one present to put your heart on ice after the gray, tattered angels pull it from your chest cavity. The local welder should also be present to cauterize your arteries immediately after the ritual incisions are made.

As long as you are away from home, your heart will remain there, frozen in a plastic cooler. Do not store your heart in the freezer, as that would jeopardize food safety.

If you wish to insert your heart back into your body before your liver floats upward to fill the space, you must sing the song of penitence and lie prostrate before your parents. They spend their best years feeding, bathing, and cleansing you in the purifying waters of mortification, and this is how you express your gratitude? By leaving home?

I don’t think so.